What If the Answer Is Less, Not More

Since I deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone a few months ago, my social media time has ground almost to a halt. These days, I spend about one hour a week on Facebook, mostly to catch up and see what I missed.

On a personal note, it’s worth mentioning that my anxiety has dropped substantially. When I open Facebook now, I can actually feel my heart rate increase. Crazy. That said, I still want to see what my friends are doing, check in on the world a bit, and try not to react to anything political.

A few weeks ago, Facebook gave me the gift of two incredible video shorts.

The Problem with More

The first video was from ​Dr. Gabor Maté​, the physician and author.

​He was talking about Winnie the Pooh​ and how the ending of the book always stayed with him. Christopher Robin is growing up. He won’t be able to play with Pooh in the same way anymore. The enchanted forest is still there, but Christopher Robin is leaving it behind.

Maté saw himself in that story. Looking back, he says he spent too much of his life working, striving, and trying to prove himself. He was going for more achievement and more approval that he mattered.

But in going for more, he missed so much of what was already in front of him: love, family, joy, play, and the everyday presence that makes life feel like life.

The takeaway for me is that maybe the enchanted forest was never gone. Maybe he had just spent too much time looking somewhere else.

Wanting Less

The second video was ​Naval Ravikant​, the co-founder and chairman of AngelList.

​His point was simple​. Most of us think happiness comes from getting what we want. More success. More money. More recognition. More freedom. More whatever.

But Naval argues that there is another path. Happiness can also come from wanting less in the first place.

Not needing the status can be as freeing as getting the status. Not needing approval can be as freeing as receiving it.

I don’t believe ambition is bad. I have 25 years of Moleskine notebooks that prove otherwise. Ambition can be wonderful. It can drive us toward freedom. It can help us take care of people we love.

But ambition can also get twisted. At some point, you may not be building the life you want. You may be building things and spending time on things that defer or even halt the quest for happiness.

What If the Answer Is Less?

That’s where Maté and Naval come together for me.

Maté is looking back and saying, “I had so much of what mattered in front of me, but I was too busy trying to get more to see it.”

Naval is saying, “Maybe happiness does not come from getting more. Maybe it comes from needing less.”

Those are really the same idea from two different directions.

We spend too much of life adding. More goals. More meetings. More money. More followers. More recognition. More commitments. More opinions. More reasons to believe that once we get there, wherever “there” is, we will finally be okay.

But what if okay starts when we decide we do not need quite as much as we thought?

The Less Test

Most of us do not lose the good stuff all at once. We lose it quietly over time.

We say yes to one more thing. We check one more feed. We take on one more commitment. We tell ourselves it is just for this season, just until this project is done, just until we hit the number, just until things calm down.

And then one day we realize that the things we said mattered most have become the things we fit in after everything else.

At a recent doctor’s appointment, the nurse and I started talking about my last trip to Mexico. She said she and her partner had always wanted to go, but never had. Maybe someday, she said. When there wasn’t so much work. I looked at her and said, “You know you absolutely have to go as soon as possible, right?”

She laughed…but I think she heard me. I needed the reminder as well. Focus today, and every day, on what’s most important. Most of the time, I don’t think we do that.

So here’s the Less Test in four questions.

1. What am I trying to get more of right now?
2. Why do I want more of it?
3. What is getting crowded out because of it?
4. What is one thing I can subtract this week?

That last question matters most.

Subtract one meeting, one app, one commitment, one goal you never really wanted in the first place. Then protect one thing that brings you back to yourself: a walk, a dinner, a book, a friend, a sunset (hi Key West!), a quiet morning, or a few hours where nothing has to be optimized, monetized, posted, measured, or explained.

That may not sound like much. But maybe that is how we find our way back. Not through some grand reinvention, but through small refusals.

Less proving. Less keeping score.

Maybe the question is not: What else do I need to achieve? Maybe the better question is: What can I subtract so I can finally see what is already here?

And maybe, just maybe, the answer is not more. Maybe it is less. P.S.: ​A reminder that I’m giving away my book, Burn the Playbook, for free​. Please share it with a friend. I’m finding more and more parents are reading this and then sharing it with their kids.